Last Call for Comments

A bitter battle over the level of tint in the front door’s window was finally pushed aside after Mr. Hertz offered to do an presentation on window tint’s relationship to crime at the next meeting, and a last call was made for announcements. The board meeting had been going strong for a good two hours and the call for announcements was more a formality than anything else, but Turtle approached the makeshift podium and began to speak.

“I wanted to broach the idea of putting a deck onto our roof.”

“A public deck?” Jefferson asked. This was an idea he had raised several months ago to no avail. “I’ve been saying that for a while. It’d be nice, right? To have a deck."

“A private deck. For my apartment.”

“That’s not what I was talking about,” Jefferson clarified.

“Are you looking for permission?” Mr. Hertz inquired.

“Well I think it’s only fair that the board pay for some of the expenses. It will make the building seem more exclusive after all. I’m basically handing you all free money if I do this. Your apartment values will skyrocket.” Mr. Turtle had a history of claiming that certain things would make apartment values skyrocket, none of which were true. “I’ve already spoken with Mr. Merryman.” A fake friendly wave was launched to a figure in the back of the meeting. ”He seems very supportive of the idea, which is convenient since he owns the roof.”

“It sounds like you are the one asking for free money,” Morty chimed in. “Why doesn’t Merryman pay for the deck?”

“Don’t you understand this will enrich the lives of all residents? What kind of building has private roof decks? A luxury building, that’s what.”

“Luxury buildings have communal roof decks.”

“I am offering you the chance to live in a building with a penthouse suite.” To which the meeting dissipated into giggles.

Jefferson was usually on board with Turtle’s crazy plans, but he finally had the chance to be the voice of reason and he took it, “Putting a bow on a pig doesn’t mean it doesn’t eat mud.”

Morty smirked. “What my misquoting friend is trying to say,” he chimed in, “It that you are wrong and your idea is stupid.” And that, it seemed, was enough to settle it.

“Also,” Lucy added, glad to be an adult in this building for moments like this, “your apartment is a dump and no amount of decks is going to change that.”

To which Mr. Turtle had only one reply, “No your apartment is a dump.”

Mr. Hertz called the meeting there. “I expect everybody to carefully consider the window tint issue and I hope that nobody will carefully consider Turtle’s presentation. See you in a month.”