Meet the Mayor

“Benjamin.”

“Merryman.”

“Rent time.”

“Yes, I heard that was going around.”

“Rent collection time. I need your pittance rent.”

“Since it’s such a pittance, it’s probably better if we just forget the whole thing.”

“I’ll rip that remaining pinky right off your hand if you don’t go get me a check right this moment.”

“It’s actually not all that hard to live without a pinky. I’ve been doing it for years.”

“I’ll punch your face it. Try living without a face.”

“It might make my nighttime activities a little easier.”

Merryman balked. Attempted to erase that image from his mind.

Benjamin jumped back in. “I bet Alby is looking to pay rent.”

“Alby paid me two weeks ago, when it was actually due.”

“I hear one the young punks next door just inherited $5 million."

“Then he’ll be able to afford his market rate rent. That’s lucky for me. Yours, like I said, is a pittance.”

“I’m going to level with you, Merryguy. I will probably not be paying rent this month. As you know, I live on social security and this month, I just happened to need a new winter coat, so the $92 –”

“$110”

“ – $110 I would normally pay to you, went to that expenditure. And I feel bad about it, I do. But there is nothing I can do. Winter is winter, you know?”

“You try this bullshit without the utility companies? I’d like to see you try that. See what happens.

“It’s lucky for me that my utilities are included.”

“Do you know how much I could charge for your place on the open market? Say if you disappeared?”

Gangster-like talk, which Merryman was often guilty of using, had the consequence of making Benjamin develop a Brooklyn accent without realizing it. It was surprisingly effective at dealing with people who wield empty threats. “Take it up with the Mayor.”

“I’ll take it up with this Mayor.” Merryman pointed to his fist.

“Man punches rent controlled tenant, Rents shithole apartment for $5,000 a month.”

“That’s the dream, my friend. Watch where you sleep.”

“I’ll see you next month, sir.”

And with that, Benjamin slammed the door. Fifth free month this year.